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Negotiate This, By Caring But Not T-H-A-T Much (Paperback)
by Herb Cohen
| Category:
Communication, Selling, Negotiation |
| Market price: ¥ 198.00
MSL price:
¥ 158.00
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| MSL Pointer Review:
Together with You Can Negotiate Anything, this book will make you a better negotiator. |
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Author: Herb Cohen
Publisher: Warner Business Books
Pub. in: January, 2006
ISBN: 0446696447
Pages: 400
Measurements: 9.0 x 6.2 x 1.1 inches
Origin of product: USA
Order code: BA00033
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- Awards & Credential -
From America's best known negotiator, and New York Times bestselling author of You Can Negotiate Anything. |
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- MSL Picks -
"Power is based on perception. If you think you've got power then you've got it" – Herb Cohen
Pretend that Cohen is your Uncle Herb. He is an internationally renowned expert on negotiation. You express an interest. He invites you to follow him into the attic of his home where he begins to remove from a chest all manner of papers. They are only casually organized. He is intimately familiar with each document. And each document inspires Uncle Herb to share an anecdote, aphorism, or even a complete story. "Everybody tells me I should write a book about all this!" Well, he has. This is it. What it lacks in cohesion it more than makes up for with fascinating experiences which Cohen has accumulated over many years.
He organizes (if that's the word) his material within twelve chapters which range from "The Joy of Detached Involvement" to my personal favorite, "The Game of Life." His advice is eminently practical. At the end of each chapter, he provides a cluster of what he calls "Prominent Points." Here are a few:
"Always view yourself as a problem solver, searching for creative alternatives that can satisfy both sides' real concerns and interests." (Chapter I)
"Concessions are not appreciated unless effort is expended to obtain them." (Chapter V)
"As the deadline approaches, remain confident and composed. Fretting and fussing is like a rocking chair: It gives you something to do but gets you nowhere." (Chapter VII)
"What matters is not what power you've got, but what the other side thinks you've got." (Chapter IX)
With all due respect to the "Prominent Points," if you are looking for a comprehensive manual on negotiation - filled with check lists, detailed case studies, etc. - this isn't it. So what is it? As I attempted to suggest earlier, Cohen's style is informal, conversational really. He shares a wealth of information about his career and discusses several important lessons that he learned about human nature. The subtitle suggests the importance of caring about the given issues but not T-H-A-T much. So really, Cohen spends most of his time on the psychology of negotiation rather than on its mechanics. One clue to his attitude is revealed by the last of the "Prominent Points" at the end of the last chapter: "With all due respect, learning negotiation solely by reading a book is like making love vial e-mail. Thus, get out there and dare to begin." (From quoting Robert Morris, USA)
Target readers:
Executives, managers, entrepreneurs, professionals, government and non-profit leaders, sales people, advertising minds, and MBAs.
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You Can Negotiate Anything
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Herb Cohen is a professional negotiator. Herb Cohen lives in Washington, D.C.
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From the Publisher:
Since his New York Times bestseller You Can Negotiate Anything appeared in 1980, Herb Cohen has conducted thousands of negotiations and has spoken before nearly a million people on topics from international terrorism to professional selling to dispute resolution. During these same years, our world has grown increasingly chaotic, and the pace of change continues to accelerate. We all feel tremendous pressure to swim with the sharks, anticipate the Next Big Thing, and stay on the edge. Now, Cohen brings his unique personal warmth, famous sense of humor, and his unparalleled wisdom to the pages of his long awaited and highly anticipated new book Negotiate This! In this enjoyable look at the game of life, Cohen probes deep to look at everyday problems. Whether you're a consumer, parent, politician, vendor, businessman or woman, this book gives you the edge in all your inter-personal dealings. Cohen invites us to step back and absorb some fundamental lessons that can bring us more success AND more fun in life-by caring, but not caring so much that you lose perspective and give away the store.
Most think negotiation occurs only on the highest levels. Cohen has indeed been involved with a variety of headline issues from the Iranian Hostage Crisis and the National Football League Strike to the START Arms Control negotiations and the hijacking of TWA Flight 847. He has also served as a consultant on the Middle East to several U.S. presidents and has been sought by the White House on a myriad of problems from domestic political strategy to international terrorism.
But in Negotiate This! Cohen makes clear that negotiating is not a spectator sport, reserved to international diplomacy or big-ticket deal making. He demonstrates with his usual blend of humor and substance that negotiating skills are critical even when dealing with your boss, a client or customer, your landlord, a neighbor, banker or broker, a doctor or lawyer, HMO or airline, your spouse or lover, your teenage children, even God.
"Each day, every day, we communicate with others in an attempt to affect their behavior, both on and off the job," says Cohen. "Like breathing, negotiating is necessary to our continued existence." The best news of all: the skills of successful negotiation are not only desirable-they are acquirable. Cohen provides practical advice on how to view relationships in a new light, communicate your position effectively, get the timing right, and achieve your goals in life situations-from salary negotiations to having your kitchen remodeled. He draws pertinent lessons from sources as diverse and fascinating as the Biblical Abraham's negotiation with God over the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah to how people are typically treated in Chinese restaurants.
This book relates Cohen's toe-to-toe negotiation experiences on presidential assignments and in the corporate world-describing in detail what he said and when he said it to achieve, for example, a generous termination package for a fired executive and significantly up the settlement in a sexual harassment suit.
Cohen also illustrates how basic negotiation principles apply to the situations familiar to all of us, from getting a better hiring package to getting a teenager to clean up his room. And he looks at some uniquely American characteristics and how those public leaders who understand those characteristics (Reagan did, Carter didn't) will succeed on the national stage.
Just some of Cohen's essential steps to successful negotiating include:
- Set objectives-separate the must haves from the would likes and the tradeables
- Make concessions-early on, look for issues where you allow the other side to have its way in matters that don't involve content
- Look beneath the surface for opportunities (the Titanic principle)
- Remember that people do not always act rationally in pursuit of their interests
- Broaden the gauge-find out as much as you can about your counterpart so you know what really makes a difference
- Make 'em work-if you are negotiating in a climate where there is less than total trust, make the other side work for the concessions you give them
- If you mess up, 'fess up. A sincere apology for any error says to your counterpart that you will be sincere in negotiations.
Cohen offers crucial insights into the all-important TIP trio: timing, information, and power. He explains that we have more power than we think and that timing and information are keys to using our power to get what we want in the world. And he warns us what not to do, explaining how people often put themselves at a disadvantage in negotiation by categorizing others unfairly and clinging to erroneous assumptions.
Also in this friendly and engaging book, Cohen turns serious attention to the contemporary scourge of terrorism, a topic that has alarmed him since the late 1970s. The book includes confidential memos that he prepared for former President Reagan and Secretary of State Colin Powell on issues of terrorism and international unrest.
"I refer to negotiating as a gaming mechanism or game, because if you see it in that light you will perform much better," says Cohen. "Since a game is where you care-really care, but not t-h-a-t much. Playing the negotiating game is the respectable means to bridge the gap between creed and deed, who you are and what you might achieve or become."
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Negotiation is the game of life. Whenever you attempt to reconcile differences, manage conflicts, resolve disputes, establish or adjust relationships you are playing the negotiating game. Truly it is the lifeblood of relationships. While people accept the importance of this learned skill in diplomatic dealings and labor relations they sometimes fail to see the opportunities that exist for them to gain a better mastery in their lives via negotiating know-how.
For all of us, life is a continuing process of trying to influence others, whether it be your boss, a client or customer, a landlord, a neighbor, a banker, a broker, a medical or legal professional, an insurance or utility company, a sales person, a car dealer, an HMO, an IRS auditor, or even a family member. We seem forever to be absorbed in trying to get others to agree with us. Whatever the case or cause, whenever you communicate with an objective in mind, engaging in social exchange to affect someone's demeanor or behavior, you are playing the negotiating game. Inevitably your attitude and actions have a potential to determine the distribution of available resources, the satisfaction of those involved, and even the nature of the relationship.
Please note that I refer to negotiating as a gaming mechanism or game, because if you see it in that light you will perform much better. Since a game is where you care – really care, but not-that-much…
Naturally I care about you, but not t-h-a-t much. It's that attitude that gives me perspective when working on your behalf. Indeed I suspect you already know the best way to make a good deal is to convey to the other side that you're capable of living without the deal – that you have other options and alternatives. So as the great negotiator Kenny Rogers once said in a song lyric, "You got to know when to hold ‘em and know when to fold ‘em." and walk away. Succinctly put, the operative approach for success and satisfaction in all of life's interpersonal exchanges is to really care, but not t-h-a-t much.
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| View all 12 comments |
Larry King (MSL quote), USA
<2006-12-26 00:00>
Knowing Herb Cohen for decades, I was surprised that a book could capture his unique style and sense of humor. Negotiate This! will not only help you get what you want, but is a joy to read. Almost every page is hilarious, so that profound aspects of human behavior become pure entertainment. |
William Ury (coauthor of Getting to Yes) (MSL quote), USA
<2006-12-26 00:00>
Whether you are negotiating with your teenager or a terrorist, Herb Cohen's new book should come in very handy. It's packed with practical insights based on decades of negotiating experience and filled with humorous stories that drive the points home. A sheer delight! |
M. Hernandez (MSL quote), USA
<2006-12-26 00:00>
Given some of the detailed comments of other reviewers, I won't go into too much detail in my review. However, it needs to be pointed out that Mr. Cohen applied his theories for negotiating to his book with quite a lot of success, to the point where you are convinced of what he's telling you. I want to clarify that I do not disagree with his strategies for negotiating: indeed, I think they work so well, it is hard to distance yourself from the book enough, to the point where you can realize that Cohen is a master at getting (most) people into buying into his ideas.
All in all, this is a book I highly recommend for readers of all types: the MBA type who's going through a Negotiation class, the manager who faces a tough face-to-face with someone he needs to convince, the mother or the father who needs to talk the kids into something, or simply the casual reader "passing by" who feels like having a good time flying through the pages of this highly enjoyable and very useful book by one of the world's most respected negotiators. Otherwise, you can imagine how tough it can be to receive praise such as the one printed on the book's back cover, from the likes of Donald Trump, Mario Cuomo and Larry King. |
Reginleif (MSL quote), USA
<2006-12-26 00:00>
I first heard, and heard of, Herb Cohen on the radio when Don Imus interviewed him one morning this past year. He sounded like a late great-uncle of mine: mild-mannered and self-effacing, with an endearing Yiddish-inflected speech pattern. (And the photo on the dust jacket reinforced this connection for me, although there's no facial resemblance.) But this "average schlub" - my phrase, not his - has been at the helm of some of the world's most tension-fraught negotiations in the last several decades. When you read Negotiate This!, you can see why.
Most of my praise for this book would merely echo that left by others, but I did want to touch on two matters. To answer the two or three people who panned it: This isn't an instruction manual, nor is it meant to be, any more than a Zen ko'an is a detailed instruction on how to live life along the lines of Shari'a. In fact, the title of this review typed above would have been a great alternative title for the book. If you want blow-by-blow instructions and nothing else, check out his earlier books or those written by others. This book tells you not only the *what*, but the "why" - and is highly entertaining, too.
I noticed that only one other reviewer went into detail about Cohen's having tried to negotiate the Iranian hostage crisis on behalf of ex-president Jimmy Carter, or his experience in high-profile, high-stakes international negotiations in general. I think those in and of themselves are reason enough to read the book, even if you don't feel you could stand to brush up on your negotiating skills (though I can't imagine anyone who couldn't use a little such fine-tuning). As the other reviewer remarked, Cohen predicted long, long ago that we'd be having much more trouble with that part of the world in the future.
Needless to say, he was right. And his attempts to solve the hostage crisis were frustrated at every turn because "Dhimmi" Carter refused to play the game, out of both a pathological sense of "honor" - Cohen doesn't use this word, but I got the sense that Carter considered hard-nosed wheeling and dealing beneath his dignity - and his delusion that because the mullahs were of an "Abrahamic faith," we could appeal to their "better nature" (my phrase) rather than bargain as if we were in a souk or bazaar, as they expected us to all along. Cohen's version of the story echoes the frustrations of many of us today who see others in the West grossly underestimating the threat posed to us by Wahhabi Islam.
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