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He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys (PBK) (平装)
by Greg Behrendt, Liz Tuccillo
| Category:
Relationship, Self-help |
| Market price: ¥ 128.00
MSL price:
¥ 118.00
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| Stock:
In Stock |
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MSL rating:
 Good for Gifts |
| MSL Pointer Review:
A book you have to read if you are female, single, in a relationship, or even married. |
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AllReviews |
1 2 3   | Total 3 pages 22 items |
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Brittany (MSL quote), USA
<2007-01-09 00:00>
I never really noticed how much women really do make excuses for these pathetic men in our lives that treat us like crap until I read this book. Its a very easy read and give examples of all the men they describe. I love Greg Behrendt and his no sugar coating way of explaining how men think. He puts good humor and no-nonsense advice together to make him a very likeable guy. This book really helped me realize what jerks I have around me and that I should not be afraid to raise my standards for myself! It definitely gave me a little boost of confidence and I would recommend this book to any women/girls who are confused about a guy or guys. |
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Stella (MSL quote), USA
<2007-01-09 00:00>
While this book can be a little black and white, overall it is a good book for women, especially those over thirty, in the dating scene( as dating in your thirties is much more complicated than in your twenties). Some take offense at the idea that a guy is just not into them but what this book is really about is that a women should be treated well and if she isn't getting what she wants from a relationship she should move on. To reviewers who have said that it's common sense etc. I know many great, beautiful, successful, smart women who have put up with a lot of crap and made a lot of excuses for men. When you're over thirty and dating in a big city, it's tough and I have seen many of the scenarios in the book played out in real life. Worse ones in fact. It's much easier to see when a friend is being played than when it's you. If you watched the piece Oprah did on the book you could see the array of beautiful women who were settling for peanuts. This book isn't saying all guys are bad, it is just saying don't waste your time with a guy who isn't giving you what you want because there's probably a guy out there who will and you deserve it. |
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Kendall Sullivan (MSL quote), USA
<2007-01-09 00:00>
This book is brilliant because it contains much needed advice written from a man's perspective about dating. Unfortunately, many of the recent relationship books are written by men who have been married for decades (no names mentioned) and aren't really in touch with today's dating dilemmas. Greg tells like it really is and can help women come out of their fog of relationship denial in a way that sometimes girlfriends cannot.
Last night I saw the re-run of Sex and the City where the women discussed the concept of "he's not that into you" (my understanding is that Greg consulted for the show). It was hysterical and eye-opening because the girls kept giving excuses for why the men hadn't called, telling each other optimistically that really, truly, surely he must be interested - when all of his actions indicated otherwise. The episode highlighted that even smart women can be in deep denial about a man's interest in her (or lack of it) and this is exactly why He's Not That into You is helpful for those who dare to read it.
Although Greg's advice is sometimes harsh, in the long-run I believe that this book will remain popular because there are enough women who really want to make better love choices and this book is a good start. For the newly uncoupled, I also recommend his sequel (It's Called a Break-Up Because It's Broken) because it focuses largely on boosting a woman's self-esteem and giving her practical tips for avoiding unhealthy partnerships.
I also recommend John Gray's Mars and Venus on a Date and Harriett Lerner's The Dance of Intimacy to understand the dynamics of coupleship better.
Keep this book on your nightstand and read it for a reality-check when he hasn't called for almost a week and you are tempted to believe that he was really, really that busy. You deserve better and you can have it! |
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Lisa Huff (MSL quote), USA
<2007-01-09 00:00>
When I was 13, I had my first boyfriend. Well, sort of. What I really had was a boy sitting in the desk behind mine in math class, whispering fairly perverted things to me rather than 'sweet nothings'. I interpreted this as the beginning of my desirability to men and proceeded to do all kinds of stupid things to keep this boy's attention... all of which I later regretted. It was the first of what would be roughly 25 years of bad relationships choices with emotionally unavailable men.
In other words, men who "just weren't into me". When I read Greg and Liz's book, not only did I laugh (a LOT) but I instantly recognized how valuable it would have been to have had these insights much earlier in my life. Had I had someone like the authors around to set me straight and make me realize that when a man isn't giving me what I need in the relationship, I would have known that it's NOT a negative reflection on me at all when a man isn't "into me" enough to be emotionally on the same page I am. It doesn't mean I'M not worth the effort, it means HE's not MAKING the effort whether I'm worth it or not.
I could have spared myself years of beating myself up and the "why, oh, why" syndrome. Now I'm in my 40's and yes, still single, but totally OK with it. And now when I meet a man and it's not going the way I would like, it's a lot easier to step back or step away, and focus on doing what I need to do to make myself happy in life.
And in the meantime I am giving my 13-year-old niece this book. Although parts of it might be a bit too "mature" for a teen, I think she can handle it and the general message is too important for me not to share it with her. If you are in the dating scene yourself or if you have a young lady in your life who is just beginning to date, GET THIS BOOK! You'll thank me later. |
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Lisa Huff (MSL quote), USA
<2007-01-09 00:00>
When I was 13, I had my first boyfriend. Well, sort of. What I really had was a boy sitting in the desk behind mine in math class, whispering fairly perverted things to me rather than 'sweet nothings'. I interpreted this as the beginning of my desirability to men and proceeded to do all kinds of stupid things to keep this boy's attention... all of which I later regretted. It was the first of what would be roughly 25 years of bad relationships choices with emotionally unavailable men.
In other words, men who "just weren't into me". When I read Greg and Liz's book, not only did I laugh (a LOT) but I instantly recognized how valuable it would have been to have had these insights much earlier in my life. Had I had someone like the authors around to set me straight and make me realize that when a man isn't giving me what I need in the relationship, I would have known that it's NOT a negative reflection on me at all when a man isn't "into me" enough to be emotionally on the same page I am. It doesn't mean I'M not worth the effort, it means HE's not MAKING the effort whether I'm worth it or not.
I could have spared myself years of beating myself up and the "why, oh, why" syndrome. Now I'm in my 40's and yes, still single, but totally OK with it. And now when I meet a man and it's not going the way I would like, it's a lot easier to step back or step away, and focus on doing what I need to do to make myself happy in life.
And in the meantime I am giving my 13-year-old niece this book. Although parts of it might be a bit too "mature" for a teen, I think she can handle it and the general message is too important for me not to share it with her. If you are in the dating scene yourself or if you have a young lady in your life who is just beginning to date, GET THIS BOOK! You'll thank me later. |
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Angela Burton (MSL quote), USA
<2007-01-09 00:00>
This book guides women to saving time, avoiding heartache, and creating a space for the right man to come into their lives. The overall emphasis is on the fact that women traditionally rationalize men's behavior and spend years of their lives with a man who doesn't really love them totally. It's like having a big brother who takes you step by step into the world of guys. There is no blame, there is no guilt, it’s "just the way it is." This book tells you not to waste your time with men who say the right words, but don't make the right moves. It is the END of mixed messages. Read this book, it will save you YEARS of time spent with the wrong man. It truly is the best wake up call ever. |
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Thomas Hooker (MSL quote), USA
<2007-01-09 00:00>
It certainly doesn't rule them all out. There are the types that are clearly wrong, but you can't put a finger on why. Also, she emphasizes in this and her other book (the Daily manual) that men who are interested will let nothing stop them, etcetera (including in the way of sex). There are two problems with this, it invites into your door those men who seem confident and give off a "nice" exterior but the type that your parents and siblings don't trust, it also keeps away the more shy types that try to pursue as well as they can but have either confidence issues or are getting mixed messages. In fact, two of the most offensive parts in the Daily manual were the statements "you should never call a date." Bringing to my next point, sometimes the thing that is letting stop the guy is YOU. When guys who have been burned this way before run up against this, they at worst back off, or at best try to continue to see you, but they can't get past the friends stage until you start taking initiative and showing some interest that might show up on the radar. Besides, if people keep claiming that women are liberated (I still think they have a bit to go) they have the right to call a date with any man (or other woman) they please.
On the other hand, I gave this book 3 stars and not two or less, as many of the excuses were as she said. She also struck the mark for normal guys under most normal situations. But she missed for shy and/or effeminate guys like me. However, I'd only give a five if she made a version for guys called She's Just Not That into You. Guys are much more insecure about this thing, though they tend to mask it with bravado. |
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Dennis Littrell (MSL quote), USA
<2007-01-09 00:00>
This is a super-slick book-biz hustle aimed at the eternal wallflower at the dance of life. Written by Greg Behrendt (your eternal big brother) and (love's labors always lost) Liz Tuccillo of TV's Sex and the City," "he's just not that into you" is just the sort of book that Miss Lonely Hearts can curl up with on a Saturday night with a tub of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream (ah, I wish I could) instead of the usual Harlequin romance. I mean YOU are worth it!
This sort of pandering by Greg and Liz to the unlucky-in-love who find Sex and the City the highlight of their wretched (but ever hopeful) lives is nothing short of Huckster Street smarmy with a purpose - the purpose being to separate YOU (who deserve love and happiness) from your hard-earned money, which is deserved by Greg and Liz because they are just so darn clever and pander so shrewdly to the susceptible reader - which makes me think that before working on Sex and the City they wrote TV commercials for diet foods or hair shampoo, or whatever the commercial is that insists, "YOU are worth it!"
The deeper problem with this book is that the women who "write" the letters to Greg are not real women but ideas of women from Greg's imagination. Sure they were based on people he knows and he probably even quoted a line or two from some of them verbatim, but they are not real people. And their equally fictional men are all very much alike in that they have only a phony sensitivity for women and really only care primarily about their own desires and fulfillment - and note that they, too, are products of Greg's mind. Some men will tell you the truth about how they feel.
A second problem is that his facile answers of what to do (usually, dump the loser) are too simplistic and don't allow for the compromises that characterize all human relationships, especially those that lead to successful marriages. No one is perfect, and people really do need to be forgiven, and they need a chance to grow. Most of the (fictional) women in the book are in their twenties and thirties, a time of real social and emotional growth by both men and women, and so it is not always wise to give up on a relationship. People do get to the point where they are not likely to change much, but usually that takes place later in life. I am not, repeat NOT, excusing some of the behavior of the men described by Greg's "women." There is never any excuse for abuse or neglect. I am only saying that if a guy misses a call or forgets your birthday, yes, he is not Wonderful in All Things, but remember few of us are.
As for Liz Tuccillo, who writes the "Why this is hard" rebuttals to Greg's pronouncements, I think she too needs to understand that love is a two-way street, a case of give and take. She's had trouble holding onto the kind of male she finds attractive. She's 41, still single, still dating, and it could be said, still looking for Mr Goodshaft, whom she finds all the time.
You want to know why? Because she's masochistic? Maybe. Because she's possibly neurotic and married to her work? Maybe. Whatever the reason, she needs to develop a realistic appreciation of actual men, not just those she imagines are alpha males. Maybe she needs to find some short, balding guy that still lives with his mother and make him happy. Maybe she needs to be kind to omega males, and keep searching through the all too depressing heap of omega males until she finds one that isn't half bad. Omega males need love too. And it could be said that "not half bad" is appropriate if you're 41-years-old, never been married and have a "been-dumped" rap sheet as long as the closing credits to a Hollywood epic, and especially if you are the type of person who thinks just because you are successful at work, you are a great catch.
Greg's point seems to be that most guys are jerks and Liz's experience seems to prove it. But what they're missing is the ecology and economics of the old dating game. You get what you're worth. You knew that in high school. Top jock scores with prom queen, NOT unsocial geek who picks his nose in public gets to bed down the head of cheer. (And by the way, these stereotypes are not necessarily the ideals that we should be looking for in mates. The king and queen of the hop in later life sometimes find sadly that they reached their peak in high school.) And if all you are getting are a bunch of losers, guess what? YOU are the loser. And maybe you need to work on upgrading your own personality and make yourself someone who has a lot to offer. Or at least alter your taste in males.
I've got some advice: Give the garage mechanic a bath. Flirt with the nerdy bank clerk. Tell the fry cook he looks cute when the sweat runs down his nose. Take a course at the local junior college in some kind of class that might be filled with MEN, home repairs or electrical wiring or basic construction, not women's issues or dance aerobics for fatties.
Regardless of how good Greg and Liz are with the one-liners (and they are good) you can get better relationship advice elsewhere than in this cutesy, narrowly-conceived book. There's a whole shelf at the library of books written by people with some real experience in human psychology who really do "understand guys." |
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Kiffer (MSL quote), USA
<2007-01-09 00:00>
I'm just getting back into the single life after being married for 14 years. Back in my single years, I broke all of the rules and made many excuses for guys I'd date - ended up heartbroken. This book has really opened my eyes. Every time I feel myself slipping back into the old self-destructive mode, I go back and read this book. It gives me strength to know that I'm much better than I've been treated and also the strength not to put up with some of the nonsense out there. Please buy this book, if you want to know how men think and not give them excuses. It WILL make you stronger and smarter! |
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Henderson (MSL quote), USA
<2007-01-09 00:00>
This book is great, girls! Read it! It's really about self-esteem. It's about loving yourself enough to recognize Mr. Wrong and stop wasting time with him. This book is really empowering and has helped me realize that I am wonderful woman who deserves to be with someone who's really into me. |
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