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He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys (PBK) (平装)
by Greg Behrendt, Liz Tuccillo
| Category:
Relationship, Self-help |
| Market price: ¥ 128.00
MSL price:
¥ 118.00
[ Shop incentives ]
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| Stock:
In Stock |
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MSL rating:
 Good for Gifts |
| MSL Pointer Review:
A book you have to read if you are female, single, in a relationship, or even married. |
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AllReviews |
  1 2 3 Total 3 pages 22 items |
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Martian (MSL quote), USA
<2007-01-09 00:00>
In spite of the "Sex and the City" tie-in it seemed geared to women much younger than the Fab Four, say upper teens and low twenties. Much of the material was so elementary that it would be hard to believe most women much past 25 weren't already savvy to it.
It's a difficult book to critique because it's ostensible purpose - helping women deal with Bad Men - is so very noble; being critical of it makes it sound like you're on the side of the Bad Guys. Such is not the case. Good Guys marvel at the idiocy of women seeming to spend all their time with Bad Guys. But except for that which is self-evident (like dumping a guy who's abusive) I thought the usual mix of comfortable and familiar half-truths, shallow analysis, and outright howlers would just make things worse.
The book will appeal to female chauvinists who haven't outgrown their Cinderella Complexes. It presents an unrealistic and warped universe where every women is a TEN (hottie, fox, etc.), while every man is a big zero. Yes, it's very flattering to the target female reader, telling her just what she wants to hear. I'm surprised at the extent to which women are easily seduced by such nonsense. The anti-male bias is so pervasive it makes you wonder why a) any woman would want to have anything to do with any man; b) why the author hasn't had a sex-change operation; or c) why the author hasn't simply committed suicide. But there are no answers to such questions.
Let's just take Rule #1 as an example. This is the Passivity Rule: don't call a guy you're interested in, don't ask him out. You're worth it, babe, and he should be grateful for being allowed in your presence. There's hardly any possibility of this rule being broken since women are naturally passive and have made it clear for years, in spite of claims to wanting equality, that they don't want to initiate or pursue. That's the man's ”job”, sort of like how it used to be the woman's job to have dinner on the table every night at 6PM. But if you want a quart of milk do you wait for it to show up on your door step, or do you go out to the store and get what you want?
Behrendt is especially lax when it comes to detailing the downsides of the passive strategy, which he doesn't really consider. First, it's designed perfectly to select for operators, seducers, "players", casanovas, the most sexually aggressive, pushy extroverts, etc. So women shouldn't be surprised or complain when that's what they get. After years of behavior training to hit on women, possibly dozens or hundreds of 'em, a man is not likely to change just because one finally says "yes". That would be sort of like expecting a woman to stop shopping after she's bought that dress or pair of shoes she wanted. Not gonna happen. So be passive if you want a man who'll cheat on you.
Second, the way things work is that the men with high "mate value" (good catches), those who are 8's, 9's and 10's aren't hitting on the women who are 5's and 6's - but the men who are 2's, 3's, and 4's are. So women who think they're meeting a random representative sampling of men and don't recognize that their strategy is producing what are called by scientists "selection effects" think all men are unworthy of them, that there are "no good men". (It helps even less if the woman who's a 6 thinks she's a 10...) In other words, the passive strategy guarantees a woman always meeting men *she* won't be that into.
Third, the strategy seriously disadvantages women who aren't approximately good-looking -- i.e., the vast majority of women. This is because it's reliance on "attractiveness", which is to say "physical attractiveness", which is to say "sexual attractiveness" puts average looking woman with many other good qualities out of the competition and never allows them to show what they've got. Or you try and compete by being shallow and buying a lot of beauty products when you're time would be better spent reading a book or something (just not this book).
Ok, the other chapter worth a mention was the one on marriage. As you can surmise, the way it goes is that he's just not that into you if he won't marry you. Unless of course you're a woman who's leery of marriage; then he's the one wanting to marry and you're the one resisting. The whole tortuous chapter ends up with Behrendt coming down firmly on the fence after doing a long tap dance trying to reconcile these opposite ways of looking at things. He should have just said the rule is that the woman always gets her way, whatever it is, and left it at that.
This pretty well sums up the book, and one would have to be truly dense to not understand how this creates a world where no man with any self-esteem would have any interest in being into any woman at all, ever.
So the book actually adds to the problems it purports to be the solution to. |
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Kent Holland (MSL quote), USA
<2007-01-09 00:00>
This book is great in that it hits the nail right on the head over and over again, with examples of the many ways that men so often play along in a relationship with no intention of ultimately going the distance, i.e., marriage. Before I finally found someone I was really into and married her, I was guilty of treating women in ways that are discussed here. Based on that and on observing friends and colleagues that are currently treating women this way, I commend this book to you if you are interested in getting to the truth of the matter. The presentation by the authors is quick paced and humorous. But when these things are happening in relationships they aren't humorous at all. The woman ends up wasting her time and being hurt, while the guy just slouches off and does the same thing to another woman that he is just not that into either. The authors (even when using some contrived examples to make their points) provide excellent insight and offer sound advice that you deserve more. As a man I see myself in some of examples. |
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1 2 3 Total 3 pages 22 items |
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